On Tap Tonight ...

What To Watch This Evening Rather Than Conversing With Other Humans

---Arizona Diamondbacks at Washington Nationals. Good thing they moved, because President Bush sure as hell wasn't gonna go to Canada to watch a game.
---Miami Heat at Philadelphia 76ers. Potential first-round playoff matchup, with Shaquille O'Neal back in the Heat lineup after not eating for a week because of a stomach ailment. We're guessing he eats Kyle Korver.
---New York Yankees at Boston Red Sox. Randy Johnson brings his phallic self to Fenway for the first time since he had a mullet.